I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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