You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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