I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
