I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize