My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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