just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
