Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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