The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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