Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
