What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
