Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
