Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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