Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
