I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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