Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
