I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
