I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
