3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
