I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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