I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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