There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
