i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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