I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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