I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
