Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
