U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
