There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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