i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
