I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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