so explain again why im purple
no
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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