Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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