yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
whose ass print is on the piano?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
