I love black thongs
I'm really into asian looking animals
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
