I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
