I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
