dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
