It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
