I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
