i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
