Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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