I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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