Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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