my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
