it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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