i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
