Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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