I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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