when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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