we have officially lost it.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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