Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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