it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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