Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
