my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
