The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
