One girl and one boy is just not enough.
false alarm. still invincible.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
