It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
