hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
