I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
