This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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