Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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