Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I forget how to act sober
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
