i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
