y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just pee around me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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