Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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