I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize