Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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