Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
