Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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