I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
