Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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