did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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