I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
