you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize