You were right. It hurts to walk today.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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