whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
