I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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