Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
