At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
