New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
accomplished twins. life is a go
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
