it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
